Random Funny Directions

This morning I rewarded bribed my children to be good in the store by promising them a toy.  Of course, Sophia wanted a baby.  I picked out one that you are able to put in the bathtub (since she puts her babies in there, anyway), named My Little BABY Born.  Once we got back in the car, the kids were begging me to open their new toys. 

 

I opened Sophia's baby, and was amazed to find an instruction manual for it.  Really?  An instruction manual for a baby doll?  Obviously, Sophia did not need it because she immediately held the baby, stuck the pacifier in its mouth, and began to sing "Baby Mine."  That's really sweet because we have sang that song to her since she was in utero.

 

However, my curiousity got the best of of me, and I read the instructions.  My favorite part?  The Quick Start section.  I kid you not . . . word for word, here are Quick Start instructions for BABY Born . . .

Start by picking up your My Little BABY Born and giving her a big hug. As my little BABY born's "Mommy," there are many different things that you can do to take care of her, such as:

• Give my little BABY born her pacifier.
• Give my little BABY born a bath.
• Amuse my little BABY born with her squeaking Rubber Ducky.

Each of these functions is described below in its own special section.


I won't bore you with the rest of the 'instructions,' but really?  We need instructions to play with a doll?  I am beyond words here, people . . .

 

The Turkey Dash!

It's Thanksgiving Day, and guess how I spent it . . . yep, I was running!  I swear, I think I've turned into Forrest Gump lately.  All I seem to do is either run, or talk about running.  And it appears that I've gotten the whole family in on the act!

The Katy YMCA holds an annual Turkey Dash each year.  It consists of a 1 mile kids race, a 5K (3.1 miles for you non-runners) and a 1 mile family run/walk.  It's a lot of fun, and there are lots of games for the kids and bands that play throughout the event as well.

I signed up Sammy for the 1 mile run, after confirming that I could, indeed, run with him.  After all, Sammy is 4, and without me there with him, Lord knows if he would have come back!  Plus, I didn't want him getting trampled if he fell over.  Sammy was really excited, especially after I told him that he would have a race number bib and a chip timer, just like Mommy!  Granted, he responded by saying, "You mean like Dowitos?"  (Doritos - which he ate after my 25K Relay)  Apparently, the child is motivated by food, so I said, "Yes, Sammy, you can have Dowitos after you run!"

I spent two weeks beforehand trying to prime Sammy for his race.  The first day I ran with him in the neighborhood, we went about 0.76 miles, and he ran a 16:40 pace.  Granted, he walked.  A lot.  I tried to convince him to run, but it wasn't happening. 

The next time we ran, I discovered a strategy.  First, I made him hold hands with me.  My thinking here is I wanted him to be able to run the 1 mile race holding my hand.  That way, if he tripped, or someone accidentally ran into him, I would be able to hold him up and prevent him from falling and skinning his knee.  Second, it was a lot harder for him to start walking if Mama was still running and holding his hand.  Third, anytime he tried to slow down, I said, "Omigosh, Sammy!  There's a monster behind us!  He's coming!  He's big!"  Then I would describe the 'monster' as being purple with stripes, or perhaps orange with green polka dots.  Sammy LOVED it!  I'm not condoning telling your child a monster is after them, as Lord knows they'll have nightmares, but I think he really got into it, considering he started describing the monster as well.  Plus he was smiling.  So, his second pacefinder was 0.87 miles at a 14:41 pace.  Improvement is nice!

Fast forward to Thanksgiving Day . . . we showed up at the YMCA and picked up our chip timers.  The plan was for Sammy and I to run the 1 mile kids race together, then I would run the 5K on my own, and then the entire family would participate in the 1 mile run/walk, with Mike and I running and me pushing the double jogging stroller with both kids in it.  We got there early, and ran into a running buddy from my half marathon training.  I introduced him to the family, and Chuck and I made plans to stick together during the 5K.  I love my half marathon training group - so supportive and everyone is so friendly!

The STARTing line!  I'm in the red, look just to the middle left . . . hand behind my ear!

When the buzzer sounded, Sammy and I stepped off with all the kids in the 1 mile race.  I have to be honest here and tell you that Sammy whined and screamed during the entire first 1/4 mile.  It was terrible.  I kept asking him what his problem was, and he was telling me that he couldn't run, and that his feet hurt.  I'm embarrassed to say this, but finally I leaned over and said, "Sammy, do you remember those chips I promised you?"  He turns to me, eyes wide, and says "Yes?"  And I respond, "They don't give them to kids who are screaming!"  His eyes get even bigger, and he says, "OK!  I can do this."  "Yes, you can, Sammy!" 

Look for the middle, in the red!  Sammy is holding my hand!

From there on out, he was focused.  I don't know if he really wanted those chips, or if he just wanted to get done, but he ran hard, and walked shortly.  Look out, everybody- here comes Katy's newest Fitizen!  So proud of my little man, he ran 1.00 miles at a 14:40 pace.  I'm thinking if I would have started training him a month earlier, he would have done better, but overall not too bad for a 4 year old with no training!

Here we are, coming in from the 1 mile run! 

Look how proud of himself he is!

After finishing my mile with Sammy, we found Mike and Sophia, and I started to get mentally prepared for the 5K.  Believe it or not, this was actually the first 5K race I've ever done!  I know, it seems silly, considering I've done longer races than this, but this was my first 5K.  I lined up at the start, and luckily my running friend Chuck found me.  We quickly developed a race plan, and at the gun we took off.  The first 1.5 miles were great!  We ran at a 9:30 pace, and we were passing people left and right.  I stopped to walk through the water station (always a challenge - cups everywhere, and people stop right in front of you so it can be a bit dangerous to continuously run through these), and then ended up needed to stop at the 2 mile mark as well, as my ankle was killing me.  Not sure what was going on there, but Chuck got ahead of me, and stayed ahead for the rest of the race - I could never quite catch up!  Chuck finished with an overall pace of 9:30 per mile, and I finished at a total of 30:22, with an overall pace of 9:47.

My goal, going into the race, was to finish under 30 minutes.  Despite the fact that I missed it by 22 seconds, I'm not disappointed.  I'm still not sure what the issue was with my ankle, but I was extremely close to my goal, and a 9:47 pace is the best I've ever pulled for a 5K.  I know, it was my first 5K race, but honestly I run a 5K every Thursday at Luke's Locker in the mornings, so I knew my average timing.

We finished out the morning with the 1 mile family run/walk.  To be quite honest, Mike and I were a bit disappointed with this.  We had to be at the very back, since we had a jogging stroller.  Unfortunately, everyone in front of us was walking.  Don't get me wrong, there's nothing wrong with walking, but the walkers were strung out across the entire course, so there was no way for us to get around them.  Not only that, but the walkers in front of us were mostly family groups, which meant they weren't familiar with running calls.  By this, I mean, when we would call, "On your left," meaning move over, a faster person is trying to pass you on the left, they either didn't hear (which is unlikely, considering how loud I can be), or else they didn't understand, as they continued walking and would not move over.  It was quite disappointing, and we probably would only participate in the family run/walk again if both the kids were walk/running.  No way would we take the jogger!



Our family, before the run/walk 1 miler!

 Overall, what a great way to start Thanksgiving!  We had a blast, and I don't know about anyone else, but I ate as much turkey and pie as I wanted to, considering I'd burned at least 600 calories beforehand.  Plus, Sammy finally got his 'Dowitos,' so he was happy!

Whose Baby is That??

I just encountered a prime candidate for the worst mom of the year . . . I hate to say that lightly, but seriously, this is crazy!

The kids and I went to Chick-Fil-A after the Y today.  Mama had run 3 miles, plus did yoga, and Sammy had a 'bad day' according to him, so I figured we deserved it.  Sammy's 'bad day' occurred because he tripped over a ball in the gym with his friends, and some of them laughed.  Poor guy . . . he's so sensitive, lately!

Anyway, we go to Chick-Fil-A and eat inside.  While we are there, I happen to notice a younger mom with perfectly blown out straight blonde shoulder length hair, and French Tip acrylic nails that had been recently done.  She was sitting with three other moms, and had a baby boy with her.  I'm assuming the baby had recently turned 1, because they were celebrating his birthday with a cake, and a large mylar balloon that said "Happy First Birthday!" 

After we'd finished eating, I took Sammy and Sophia into the play area.  This was not without trepidation . . . as you know, this was the location of Sammy's unfortunate stitches episode.  However, I was hoping to get past the day with no trips to the emergency room.  We'd been in there for several minutes, when the other two moms in there began packing up their bags to leave.  I had noticed when we first walked in that there was a baby boy walking around.  I say baby, but honestly, he was walking, so he couldn't have been that young.  He was definitely younger than Sophia, though.

The little boy's pants were a bit too long for him, and he wasn't wearing any shoes, so with every step he took, his pants sat lower and lower on him, until you could see part of his hip on the side where the strap on his diaper was.  The anal-retentive mom in me wanted to fix it, but I was hesitating because I thought surely one of those two moms was about to pick him up and walk out the door.  But they didn't.  Instead, they just turned to go out the door with their other kids.

Part of me started to panic, and I turned to one of them and asked, "Whose baby is that?"  She looked at me blankly and said, "I have no idea."  The other mom turned around and said, "This lady stuck him in the door earlier.  It was the weirdest thing - she opened the door, set him down, and then said, 'Happy Birthday, Baby!' before she turned and walked out." 

What?  Are you kidding me?  The one year old is in here unattended?  And not only unattended, but I look out the glass walls of the play area and see his mom, facing away from us, eating the kid's birthday cake with her mom friends and all of their kids . . . but not with the birthday boy!  Seriously?  Your child is one year old, you're here to celebrate his birthday, and you dumped him in the play area at Chick-Fil-A by himself!  What were you thinking?

Readers, I am shocked and appalled by this behavior.  Sophia is 18 months old, and I would never put her in the play area by herself.  Not even with her big brother (age 4) to watch over her - because we all know that wouldn't happen.  Don't get me wrong - if several of my friends were already in the play area, and I had to run to the bathroom, I would ask them if it was ok, and Sophia would be with other adults she knows and trusts, but I would never just put her in the play area and walk off.  The poor kid was in there all by himself - none of the kids of his mom's friends were even in there with him!

I'd been in there by myself now with my two children, the abandoned baby, and several other children for about five minutes, and I was still wanting to fix the little boy's pants.  He was wandering around aimlessly, and at one point he even started to cry.  I still wasn't sure what to do, but right as I was about to pick him up, in comes his mom.  She picks him up, says "Are you all done playing now?" and walks out the door.  I have to admit, I was relieved - apparently she had enough of an eye on him to realize that he needed her! 

I quickly collected my children, and we walked out the door and began our slow load into the truck.  Two car seats later, I looked up to see 'Mom of the Year' walking away from the play area - alone!  I thought to myself, no way did she stick the baby in there again . . . I had parked right in front of the windows to the play area, so I hurried forward and snuck a peek into the window.  Sure enough, the baby is in there alone again!  And worse, there are no adults in there . . . I cannot believe it - I am appalled.  Happy Birthday, Baby indeed!

Tell me, would you do this to your one year old?  On their birthday, no less?  What would you do if a friend was doing this?

HMSA 25K Relay

I ran the third leg of the HMSA 25K Fleet Feet Relay this past weekend!  Our first runner, Elle, went on to run all three legs and complete the entire 25K.  Our second runner, Chuck, ran the second leg and the third leg.  I was the loser that only ran one leg!  No matter, we all had a great time!

Absolutely freezing beforehand!  I can't remember the temperature, but the wind was whipping around and it was COLD!

My Dad, and my main man, Sammy!

My parents holding the cold one!  Mike took the picture, while he was warming up Sophia!

 

Waiting on my team to get moving!  Notice the two bananas in my hands for my teammates!  Sammy kept trying to run onto the course!  Notice how everyone else is bundled up, but I'm in shorts and a tech shirt . . . nice!

Coming in at the end!  So proud of my teammates - Elle for running 15.5, and Chuck running 10.4, and me, at 5.2 miles!

Sammy helping Mama stretch at the end!

There were two things that were absolutely hilarious about this race . . . number one - my teammates were getting tired during the last leg (gee, I have no idea why!), and since I had fresh legs, I decided to entertain them!  I sang along with my iPod at the top of my lungs, and also yelled over bridges at people to get them to cheer for us.  Can we say that I am the ultimate running partner??

Second, our team name . . . the picture speaks more than words!

And that's what we were . . . Six Cheeks to the Wind!

My Mommy . . .

This morning, my sister-in-law, Trish came over for coffee and conversation with me.  She and I were meal-planning for our new venture, Two Much Vino Catering, when I had to run upstairs to get Sophia from her bed as she had just woken up.  I'm halfway up the stairs when I overhear Trish say, "Sammy, that's not a very nice thing to say!"  I ask, panic-stricken, "What did he say?"  Her response . . . "He said, 'My mommy pooped in her pants the other day.'"

Stop laughing, people.  I am mortified . . . aboslutely mortified.  My quick response - "Sammy!  Why would you say that??  That's not true!"  Run upstairs and get Sophia.  Pray no one notices my red cheeks.  But the truth is . . . the other day, I had a stomach virus.  It wasn't too bad, just the usual stuff.  But the next day, I was standing in the kitchen, and I had to toot.  I tooted.  No big deal.  But it wasn't really a toot.  Yep, you know what happened, I don't need to spell it out.  Sammy already did that for me.

So, I'm trying to run to the bathroom real quick, and Mike is in the way.  I scream at him, "GET OUT OF THE WAY!"  And he's confused, asks me what's wrong, and I'm like, "I thought I had to toot, but it wasn't just a toot!"  And he responds, "I TOLD YOU NOT TO TOOT!"  See, Mike had the stomach virus first.

Sammy witnesses the whole exchange silently.  And the next day (because he had the stomach virus, too), I tell him seriously, "Sammy, if you need to toot, do not toot!  Tell Mommy, and I will take you to the bathroom right away!"  Sure enough, a few minutes later, he tells me he has to toot, so I take him to the bathroom, and he squeals, "MOMMY!  I'M SQUIRTING!"  Ok, I know, too graphic for the blog.  But, it is funny, and you do know EXACTLY what I'm talking about!

The only thing I don't get is, why does my kid have to tell everyone?  And why did I immediately lie?  I'm telling my Mom's Bible study this story the other day, and they are all dying laughing, and one of them blurts out that I need to tell Sammy that Mommy is sorry for lying about pooping in her pants.  My immediate reaction?  No way!

Can you imagine?  I've already had to deny the poop incident once.  When I tell him I'm sorry for lying, he's going to tell everyone.  He'll be in church on Sunday and tell his Sunday School teacher or (worse) our pastor, "My mommy sinned the other day.  She lied and said she didn't poop in her pants, but really she did, and she lied.  Jesus died on the cross for our sins."  I'll never live it down.  I'll always be known as "The Mom that Pooped in Her Pants," or even worse, "The Lying, Pooping Mom."  No way am I telling him I'm sorry for lying . . .

Wait a minute . . . I just told the whole world on my blog . . . oh well, it's funny, right?  Ha ha, people - may the next stomach virus strike you by suprise as well!