Today is the day before kindergarten starts for you. I've done everything I possibly can to prepare you for this day, but somehow I've forgotten to prepare myself.
I still remember the day that you were born. I was so excited to finally be able to hold you, my sweet baby boy that I carried in my body and protected for nine months. You didn't cry immediately, and then you let out a low, sweet wail that would touch my heart, grab on and never let go.
I've watched you turn into such a big boy the last few months since you turned 5. You are such a sweet helper to us around the house, and you are such a wonderful big brother to your sister - she loves you more than anything in the world, and you love her the same. It is absolutely beautiful to me to see the way that you take care of her and help her.
These past few weeks, we've shopped for your school clothes. We cleaned out your closets and your dresser, and you dutifully tried on every single piece of clothing. You were a big boy and didn't cry when you had outgrown your favorite 'cowboy' jean jacket and your cowboy boots, and I promised to buy you new cowboy clothes as soon as I could find them in the store. You helped me hang up all of your new clothes, and you've done a great job placing your shoes in the bins I put in your closet, and taking care of all of your new things.
We went to get your haircut for school last Tuesday. Of course, after we got home you decided to snip a piece off in the front, with the reasoning that you didn't want a brown piece in the front. I get it buddy, I really do - Mama doesn't like brown pieces in the front, either. I got onto you for cutting your own hair, and we repeated over and over again that scissors are for paper. You seem pretty contrite about it now, and honestly I really can't even see where you snipped it since it's right by your cowlick. I never would have known if you hadn't left the snip of hair on the bathroom floor. I guess that's something I didn't teach you very well - how to hide your mistakes and cover your tracks!
We met your teacher last Wednesday. Her name is Mrs. Miller, and we brought her a clipboard you and I made with ModPodge and patterned scrapbook paper. She loved it, and you showed her that you're a helper already by carrying a big box of Goldfish into the meeting room. It was heavy, but you carried it proudly, and you stoically tried to put it exactly in the front of the room where Mrs. Miller would find it when she was making her presentation. You were excited to find out that Mrs. Miller was your cousin Austin's teacher eight years ago, and I hope that means you'll turn out to be a great kid, just like he has.
I watched you write your first name on the post it note where you decided you wanted your seat in the classroom to be. You did it quickly, trying to finish fast, and ended up writing your S backwards, and writing it in all capital letters. I asked you to take another look at it and try again, and when you did, you wrote your name perfectly, just like we've practiced for the last year and a half. I hope Mrs. Miller will give you a second chance and ask you to try again, and to take your time, just like Mommy does for you. I know she will, but I'm still worried for you.
You met new friends in your classroom, Kai who lives in our neighborhood, and Mason who lives right next door to Uncle Aaron. I watched you clown around with them, and hoped that you would remember that there is a time for laughing, and a time for learning. You decided to sit right next to your new friends, so I bet Mrs. Miller hopes so, too.
I ordered special labels for you with your first and last name and a pirate symbol on them, and I carefully placed them on all of your things. I hope the labels make you feel special, but I really hope it means that your things will come home with you at the end of each day!
We talked about your backpack. I showed you where all the special pockets are, and we adjusted the straps so that it wouldn't hang halfway down your little back. I even put an extra change of clothes in there, right down to underwear and socks, just in case. Mrs. Miller asked all of the parents to do that. I just hope I remember to change the clothes based on the seasons, so that you won't come home in shorts in December!
I made a big decision and decided to let you ride the bus to school this year. Kai and his big sister Amaya will be on the bus as well, so I hope you'll have friends and you will enjoy getting to ride the big yellow school bus. You and I talked about where the bus will pick you up and drop you off at, and I'll be waiting there for you each time, hoping you'll come home with lots of stories of your adventures for the day.
Yesterday, we talked about how you'll get to school on the first day, and we decided what you wanted in your lunch box. You know to take home anything you don't eat, and you know to remember to keep your sandwich box and your snack box. You also know that you have a pirate water bottle on the side of your backpack, so you'll always have it in case you are thirsty.
You have been so excited this past week. Every day, you wake up and you tell me exactly how many days you have left until kindergarten starts. This morning, you got to go into the big kids worship service for the first time ever, and I watched you proudly raise your hand and smile when Pastor Bronson asked for kindergarteners!
I know that you are ready, Sam, and I know you are going to do amazing. It seems I've spent the last 5 years getting you ready for your big day tomorrow, but somehow I forgot to get myself ready. It's so hard for me to know that I won't be there to help you tomorrow. If you fall down, I won't be there to wipe your tears and get you a Transformers bandaid. If someone hurts your feelings, I won't be there to hug you and tell you it's all right. If you do something awesome, I can't be there to high five you and congratulate you.
But, I will be there at home, waiting to give you a hug and hear about your day. I can't wait to find out all of your new adventures, and I know that you are going to grow and change so much! I hope that I can be the mom that you need me to be tomorrow - I hope that I can give you a huge hug and wish you luck, and that I won't cry in front of you. And I hope that you will learn and grow, and that you will excel, just like you always have. I know that you will, and I know that I'm going to be ok, too.
I love you, Sam . . .
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