My Mommy . . .

This morning, my sister-in-law, Trish came over for coffee and conversation with me.  She and I were meal-planning for our new venture, Two Much Vino Catering, when I had to run upstairs to get Sophia from her bed as she had just woken up.  I'm halfway up the stairs when I overhear Trish say, "Sammy, that's not a very nice thing to say!"  I ask, panic-stricken, "What did he say?"  Her response . . . "He said, 'My mommy pooped in her pants the other day.'"

Stop laughing, people.  I am mortified . . . aboslutely mortified.  My quick response - "Sammy!  Why would you say that??  That's not true!"  Run upstairs and get Sophia.  Pray no one notices my red cheeks.  But the truth is . . . the other day, I had a stomach virus.  It wasn't too bad, just the usual stuff.  But the next day, I was standing in the kitchen, and I had to toot.  I tooted.  No big deal.  But it wasn't really a toot.  Yep, you know what happened, I don't need to spell it out.  Sammy already did that for me.

So, I'm trying to run to the bathroom real quick, and Mike is in the way.  I scream at him, "GET OUT OF THE WAY!"  And he's confused, asks me what's wrong, and I'm like, "I thought I had to toot, but it wasn't just a toot!"  And he responds, "I TOLD YOU NOT TO TOOT!"  See, Mike had the stomach virus first.

Sammy witnesses the whole exchange silently.  And the next day (because he had the stomach virus, too), I tell him seriously, "Sammy, if you need to toot, do not toot!  Tell Mommy, and I will take you to the bathroom right away!"  Sure enough, a few minutes later, he tells me he has to toot, so I take him to the bathroom, and he squeals, "MOMMY!  I'M SQUIRTING!"  Ok, I know, too graphic for the blog.  But, it is funny, and you do know EXACTLY what I'm talking about!

The only thing I don't get is, why does my kid have to tell everyone?  And why did I immediately lie?  I'm telling my Mom's Bible study this story the other day, and they are all dying laughing, and one of them blurts out that I need to tell Sammy that Mommy is sorry for lying about pooping in her pants.  My immediate reaction?  No way!

Can you imagine?  I've already had to deny the poop incident once.  When I tell him I'm sorry for lying, he's going to tell everyone.  He'll be in church on Sunday and tell his Sunday School teacher or (worse) our pastor, "My mommy sinned the other day.  She lied and said she didn't poop in her pants, but really she did, and she lied.  Jesus died on the cross for our sins."  I'll never live it down.  I'll always be known as "The Mom that Pooped in Her Pants," or even worse, "The Lying, Pooping Mom."  No way am I telling him I'm sorry for lying . . .

Wait a minute . . . I just told the whole world on my blog . . . oh well, it's funny, right?  Ha ha, people - may the next stomach virus strike you by suprise as well!