On Monday, we went to a park with several of our friends from our playgroup. It was one of those rare days where everyone played well together. Sammy shared his sand toys, he didn't throw sand around, and overall I was very pleased. Sophia was also in a great mood! We brought a blanket, sat with our friends and had a picnic lunch, and the weather was beautiful.
I should have known that the good feelings wouldn't last forever. As we were getting closer to our time to go home, Sammy was climbing on the playground gym, and ended up on the opposite side of the park from me. It's a distance of approximately 200 feet. I looked up, he was doing well, and I looked down to hand Sophia a piece of cheese. As I was laughing at her excellent eating abilities, I looked up to check on Sammy again. Just in time to see the most humiliating thing imaginable.
I could see pieces of Sammy's body around the play structure in the way. What was concerning me was the fact that I could see his tummy, and I could not see his knees. Because his shorts were covering them. His shorts . . . and was that his red dinosaur underwear? I know not . . . Pick up Sophia, and begin walking very quickly around the play structure.
I get around the play structure and see that he is, in fact, peeing. Peeing on the sidewalk. Peeing proudly on the sidewalk. His shirt is tucked under his chin, his shorts are around his knees, and he is facing the play structure, peeing. OMG, is he seriously peeing in front of EVERYONE? I am mortified.
And, I can hear all of my girlfriends laughing. Laughing hysterically. Which I would probably be doing as well, if it wasn't my kid that was peeing, right by the park. Now, don't get me wrong, I've had my child pee in public places before, but certainly not right in front of everyone. Behind a tree, between car doors, absolutely - pee all you need to. But peeing loud and proud, facing the play structure, in front of everyone? Ah, the humanity.
It was terrible. And the most terrible part is, I have to keep myself from laughing while I'm scolding him. "Sammy! (stifle giggle). Why did you pee right here (stifle guffaw)?" "I had to go potty, Mommy, and there wasn't a bathroom." (Stifle another giggle.) "Sammy, when you need to go potty, you come get Mommy. You don't just pee wherever (stifle another giggle). (Try to hide a smile.)"
I felt terrible, but I put him in timeout. Just so the other moms didn't think it was cool for me for my redneck child to pee wherever he wanted to. And so he wouldn't decide to pee loud and proud in front of everyone at the playground again. While he was in timeout, I took our sand bucket out to the lake, filled it up with water, and poured it over the pee. While apologizing profusely to everyone within ear shot.
Everyone said it was fine, everyone laughed and thought it was hysterical. But everyone didn't have to take home the child that had peed in front of everyone. I still love him. I'm still laughing about it. But that doesn't mean I'm not dying inside.
My girlfriend Tanya says this is something I should bring up in 12 to 14 years to embarrass him in front of his girlfriends with. Unfortunately, in 12 to 14 years I think it might still embarrass me! Seriously, here is my redneck child, peeing at the sand park . . . ok, it's funny. I really wish I had a picture - just so you could see the proud, exhilirated expression on his face as he realizes his dream - peeing on the sand . . .
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